


Equilibrium

by WitchHobi



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Denying Hide's death to the grave, Developing Relationship, M/M, Post Series, Tokyo Ghoul: RE verse, reunion of sorts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-25 17:02:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2629481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchHobi/pseuds/WitchHobi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-Reunion of sorts-<br/>Now, Sasaki Haise was not a man to be played with.<br/>He played his own tricks, told his own jokes, was sighed at by his coworkers because of his own jokes, but he was not to be toyed with. He was strong and he knew it, able to defend and he knew it, intelligent beyond belief and he knew it. But, the scene before him simply didn’t make full sense to him. Much like the ones days, weeks previous where he wracked his brain for answers only to come up with spectral feelings of nostalgia flitting through his heart like a breeze long since passed that left nothing but a lingering chill to remain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_“Kaneki?”_

            Now, Sasaki Haise was not a man to be played with.

            He played his own tricks, told his own jokes, was sighed at by his coworkers _because_ of his own jokes, but he was not to be toyed with. He was strong and he knew it, able to defend and he knew it, intelligent beyond belief and he knew it. But, the scene before him simply didn’t make full sense to him. Much like the ones days, weeks previous where he wracked his brain for answers only to come up with spectral feelings of nostalgia flitting through his heart like a breeze long since passed that left nothing but a lingering chill to remain.

            Such as two weeks prior, he’d been minding his own business, out for a walk on his lunch break when a particular display caught his eye. A music store was selling a new model of their nicest noise-canceling headphones, sleekly designed and painted with a bright orange lacquer.

            Not really something that should have made him feel wistful, almost sad.

           

            Yet it had.

 

            Or another instance a few days later, he’d overheard a small group of children discussing something involving rabbits, and it stabbed his heart. The entire rest of his day had been spent sitting around wondering why.

            Why the hell rabbits would make him sad he didn’t know, but the fact that it happened bothered him more than anything.

 

            _Did you know, I was reading the other day that Rabbits could die from loneliness. How interesting is that?_

            But now here he was, faced with this young man who stared at him like he’d just dropped from the sky. He looked to be about his age, not too scrawny, not heavy, relatively average in almost all senses. His hair color was vary obviously unnatural, and the way he carried himself practically radiated an odd sort of confidence that shone through even his what seemed like shock.

 

            “Kaneki?”

           

            There it was again, that name.

            It was such an uncommon name yet it felt so familiar, familiar like the name of an old friend being brought up in conversation or familiar like walking down the street that lead to the house where you grew up.

 

            “Kaneki, can you hear me? Are you listening?” The young man said again, a bit of force now behind his words, which finally made Sasaki shake his head, physically clearing his thoughts.

            “I’m sorry, I think you’re confusing me for someone else.” He said politely. Sure, he wanted to understand and sure, he wanted to get to the bottom of this familiarity and all its conflict but for now he needed to dispel the man’s confusion, or his own, all depending.

 

            “Confusing?” The young man shook his head of pale hair, “oh no, I’d recognize you anywhere, from miles away, I know exactly who you are.”

            Sasaki sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before making eye contact with the strange man once again, “no, no, really. You must be confused. My name is Sasaki Haise, I’m twenty-two years old and I work for the CCG. Would you like to see my identification? Would that make you feel better?”

            The young man rolled his eyes, taking a step towards him, “No. Because I know you, and I see now that _you_ might not know _you.”_ He paused, “or maybe this is just a sham of yours, this is something you’d do, after all. You feel guilty for things that weren’t really your fault so you’re pretending to not know me so you don’t have to disgrace yourself by groveling for forgiveness?”

 

            “Honestly, I have _no idea_ what you’re—.”

 

            “Yeah, that’s what I thought…” He sighed softly and hung his head, mumbling under his breath, _“You’ve done it again, Kaneki, rabbits can die of loneliness you know.”_

 

            At that, Sasaki caught his breath, _There it is again, that phantom feeling…_  
            A pang struck him and he could feel his resolve crumble bit by bit until he finally snapped his fingers to get the man’s attention, “Listen.” He said, digging in his pockets for a pen and paper, “I’ve _really_ got to get home, but here, I’ll write down my number and I’ll get you to give me yours, and I _promise_ we’ll meet again and we’ll talk, okay?”

 

            The young man’s sudden brightness that came from the promise made him smile slightly, chuckling softly as he wrote down his name and number on the back of a bookstore receipt. He handed him the paper, along with the pen so they could exchange information and the man laughed.

           

            “A bookstore receipt, how very like you.” He sounded amused as he wrote down his contact info and handed it back to him. “I suppose I should introduce myself.”

            “That _is_ what people normally do, though something tells me you’re not too normal yourself.” Sasaki replied.

            The man rolled his eyes, “My name’s Hideyoshi, but you can call me Hide.”

 

            Hide.

            _Hide._

            It sounded familiar, almost _too_ familiar, “Well, Hideyoshi, it was nice to meet you. I’m sorry that I’m not the person you thought I was. I’ll be in contact with you the next time I have a day off.”

 

            Hideyoshi tipped his head just slightly, like a confused pup, before shaking his head with a slight, mischievous grin, “no, no, believe me, you’re exactly what I was searching for.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just talk it out boys, talk it out.

For several nights, Sasaki had trouble sleeping.

            His dreams filled with a strange boy, tugging him along behind him by the jacket sleeve, as he ran through a playground, kicking up mulch behind his sneakers.

 

            _“Come on, Kaneki! I’ve gotta show you something!”_

            The boy took him up to the very top of the slide, pointing at the sky with small hands, _“Look! Look! The moon’s out and it’s daytime! How cool is that?”_

 

            He thought he remembered laughing at that and telling him how silly he was, and how it was normal for the moon to be out during the late afternoon.

 

            His dreams sometimes were closer, up into his teenaged years that he could never seem to fully recall.

 

            _“Kaneki, if I was a ghoul, would you be mad if I ate that girl that you like?”_

            He remembers telling him not to, that she was too nice to eat, and to eat the mean boy who stole his meal tickets every Thursday instead.

 

            But the most recent of his dreams shook him like nothing he’d known. Had him waking in a cold sweat, breath heaving as he did everything humanly possible to try to calm his heartbeat. Typically he woke from dreams with fragments of imagery or information missing, but this one resonated with him.

           

            _Adrenaline coursed through him, running, running, only focused on getting away. He hadn’t even noticed at first but when he did it was like his world was shattering. His name was called and he froze, that voice, the **only** voice he would’ve normally prayed to hear, the **only** one that he couldn’t pray enough for it to leave, to walk away so not to see him like this. He was the only one Kaneki would never wish this upon. The only one he’d promised he wouldn’t involve in this. But there he was, in front of him with a hand on his shoulder and a gentle smile on his lips and his eyes that were soft and understanding as he called to him with a voice that sounded like home. _

_**“Come on, Kaneki. I already knew. It’s okay. Let’s go home.”**_

****

            No matter what his better judgment said, no matter the voice in his head telling him to give in to himself or the other screaming to run before it was too late, he couldn’t.

_Couldn’t move._

_Couldn’t leave._

_Couldn’t give him up._

            But time skipped, darkness washed over his vision and when he came to he was alone again, with nothing but the memory of a comforting touch and the taste of crimson on his tongue.

 

 

            It was 2:33 AM when Sasaki finally called him.

            The phone rang once, twice, three times, and he was beginning to fear he wouldn’t pick up when a tired but somehow still excitable spoke up on the other end of the line, “Hello? Kaneki?”

            Sasaki took in a deep breath, still a bit jittery after his nightmare, “Hideyo-no-Hide,” He corrected himself, Hideyoshi was too formal, it didn’t suit him, “I know it’s late… And this probably sounds crazy, but I need to talk to you and it can’t wait until morning.”

            It didn’t take Hide even a moment to answer, “Where? I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

            Sasaki blinked, “There’s a café a little ways down from where I live that’s open twenty-four hours, I’ll send you the address. I’m sorry for bothering you at this time of night.”

            “Kaneki,” Hide’s voice was serious, “it’s no problem. I’ll be there soon.”

 

 

* * *

 

            For the ten, fifteen minutes that Sasaki waited in the corner booth at the small café he was anxious. He’d been through so much, seen so much, in his career with the CCG and he’d never been as anxious as he was then. His mind wandered far, too far, in many cases.

            If he really did know this Hide for as long as his dreams seemed to remember, what kind of relationship did they have?

 

            If they had been so close, how could he have forgotten so easily?

 

            Had he really hurt him?

 

            Was he a monster?

 

            “Kaneki!” The voice roused him from his thoughts and he looked up. Hide stood beside the booth, leaning against the backrest. He had dark circles under his eyes and he was very obviously tired and Sasaki began to regret asking him to come so late.

            “I’m sorry, again, that I woke you, Hide.”

            The light haired man broke into a ridiculous grin as he slid into the booth across from him, “That’s so nice to hear, it’s been so long.”

            Sasaki furrowed his brow and tipped his head slightly, “Hide, you mean? Isn’t that your name?”

            Hide rolled his eyes like he’d asked him something stupid, “of course it is. But to hear you say it is nice.” He shifted, rolling his shoulders before becoming a bit more serious, “anyways, Kaneki, what did you need? Are you alright?”

 

            Such open concern made him more anxious, his eyes cast downward as he sought for the words to say. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, before he finally spoke, “I’ve been having dreams. Dreams about you.” He paused, “about being a kid and running through a playground and you forcing me to climb up a slide to—.”

            “To show you the moon.” Hide interjected, “I thought it was really cool and you laughed and acted like it was no big deal. Biggest heartbreak of my childhood, I’ve got to say.”

 

            Well, that did nothing but unsettle him further.

 

            “And then, again, we were outside, looking up at the stars and you asked if you were a ghoul if you could eat the girl I liked, and I said—.”

 

            “No, she’s too nice to eat. Eat the mean kid who steals my lunch tickets instead.”

 

            “Oh,” was all he could say. He felt sick, knowing that what he’d seen had been true. Well, of course it had, if Hide could remember it so clearly. Of course, then that would mean…

 

            “Hide.”

            “Yes?” He responded immediately.

            “Hide,” Sasaki repeated, “what am I?”

 

            Hide’s face showed conflict, as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell him or not, “You’re my best friend. You’re the person I grew up with. You’re—.”

 

            “Hide.”

 

            “You’re half ghoul.” He said softly, “You’re half ghoul and it doesn’t matter to me. I told you that. I told you that I knew about you and that it was fine with me. That we could go home and you could rest. That it’d all be okay.”

 

            Sasaki felt dizzy, he could feel his heart beating so hard that it hurt his teeth, his head spun, “Did I hurt you, Hide?”

            “Kaneki…”

            “Answer me.”

            Hide looked down at the table, his jaw shifted which told Sasaki he was gritting his teeth, his hand moved slowly without looking up and he took the pull of his jacket zipper in hand and pulled it down, looking up before pulling aside the fabric covering his left shoulder to reveal a patch of mottled, scarred skin, as if something had torn a chunk of flesh from his neck.

 

            Sasaki had to brace a hand on the table, the other covered his mouth and part of his nose as he leaned forward, elbow acting as an anchor as he sunk downward in his seat.

            “Hey,” Hide called softly, letting go of his shirt so he could reach across the tabletop to put a hand on his upper arm, shifting to try and make eye contact with him, “Hey, it’s fine, I’m fine, I don’t blame you it’s all okay.”

 

            He swallowed hard, forcing himself to look at him, “What else have I forgotten? What about my parents? My time in school? friends? Anything? I don’t remember—I, I have no idea… God, who am I?”

 

            All of his life or what he’d thought was all of his life he’d been constantly aware of a whispering in the back of his head. A whisper that told him to be brave and to do what was right. But this whisper became dark sometimes, begging for acceptance, to be set free, to return to its rightful place.

 

            “Is this why my memory’s hazy? Is this why I could never remember details from my childhood?”

            Hide looked lost, but he spoke anyways, “I don’t know the answer to everything, but I know who you are and I know where you came from and if you want, I’ll tell it to you. But it seems like you’re remembering it for yourself little by little as it is.”

 

            He nodded, blinking before he sat up a bit straighter, an idea coming to him, “Hide, what did you do with your headphones? You loved those.”

 

            His friend laughed, “They’re in my apartment, I’m sorry I offended you by not wearing them.”

            “Apology accepted,” He shot back, and it felt right.

            “That’s more like the Ken I know and love,” Hide smiled genuinely and it warmed him, made him feel better by leaps and bounds even though he had so much more to ask, so much more to learn.

 

* * *

 

            “Alright, I have a question.” Sasaki said after a brief pause in conversation.

            “I most likely have an answer, go for it.”

            “How did you recognize me so easily? I’m sure I look nothing like I did back then. It’s been at least a few years, hasn’t it?”

 

            Hide rolled his eyes and placed a hand flat on the table, “Kaneki Ken, I have seen you naked before, do you seriously expect me to not be able to recognize you with two-tone hair?”

            “What?” He sputtered, “when in god’s name—?”

            “Oh, all the time when we were kids, I had to wash your back after we went swimming because you were too inflexible to reach. Or there was that one time that Nakumura stole your clothes while you were showering after gym in year two. Plenty of times.”

            “I…”

            “Oh save it,” Hide said, his voice was gentle and welcoming. It made him feel like he had, after all, been listening to it his whole life. “We’ve got plenty of time, I’ll catch you up on everything whenever you’re ready, but for now, we should probably relocate, I think the owner’s beginning to think we’re homeless.”

 

            Sasaki glanced over to the counter to find the owner of the café was indeed staring him down with a less than pleased look on her face, “you’re probably right.”

 

            “Of course I am, now,” Hide stood, offering him a hand to help him to his feet, “my apartment is too far, why not take me to your place and we’ll keep talking.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll most likely have the next chapter up within the week. Probably in day or so!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys this is gonna get really sappy someday but for now have these losers

“That… might be a bit of a problem.” Sasaki said, mulling over the proposition to go back to his own home as they left the café. After all, Tooru and the others were still back there…

            “Hm? Why’s that?” Hide questioned, yet he didn’t seem too worried.

            “I don’t live alone, my squad’s back at the house. They’re all asleep, hopefully, god knows Mutsuki doesn’t get the sleep he needs. He’s a worrisome little thing, I should really talk to him about that, maybe put him on some supplements to improve his health—.”

 

            He was cut off by a soft laugh, “Kaneki, you sound like a doting mother, there’s nothing to be so worried about. If you’d rather meet back up another day, just say so.”

            “No.” Sasaki said a bit too quickly and startled himself. He just wanted to know more, understand more, he was an analyst and the idea that the pieces of this awful puzzle could fall into his possession was damn appealing to him. Hide had the answers, he knew everything, mostly anyways, he could tell him. He didn’t just want to know anymore he _needed_ to.

            “Yeah, man, I get it.” Hide just shrugged, a sort of slyness playing on his face, “you’ve got a lot you need to figure out and I’m the only one who really knows anything. It’ll be like telling my life story to my child, sort of like when we were younger you wanted to marry me.”

            “Excuse me?” Sasaki stopped, turning back to face Hide, “you’re just making stuff up now, there’s no way.”

            “Well, to be fair to you,” Hide held up a finger and closed his eyes as if reciting a proverb, “we were twelve, and I was a god in your eyes.”

            Sasaki pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “ _anyways_ , if you’re coming back to the house, you’ve got to be quiet.”

            “Oh no,” Hide’s voice was overdramatic, “what ever shall I do? See, I was planning to throw a rave in your apartment. God, I already called my masses of friends and told them where to set up the disco ball, oh, how could you do this to me?”

            Sasaki rolled his eyes before giving Hide a hard shove to his shoulder, “I’m serious! They work hard, they need their sleep.”

            “I know, I know, Kaneki, I’m only joking. I get it I’ll be as quiet as a mouse. So quiet that when they see me in the morning they’ll think you’re _messing around_ with street rats.”

 

            “Oh god.”

           

            Hide snorted, “you’re just as sensitive as ever.”

 

            They bickered like kids the entire walk back, Hide occasionally bumping him with his shoulder or cheering when he got a laugh out of Sasaki. It all felt very natural to him, as if this was completely normal to them. He could almost remember a situation much like this one time a relative had been mean to him as a young teenager.

 

            _“Aww, come on, Kaneki! Cheer up! You’re way smarter than her anyways, so who cares if she wants to spoil her kid more than you. I’ll spoil you instead. Come on, bring it in, man I’m gonna hug the hell out of you. Then I’m buying you dinner. No objections allowed.”_

            Sasaki smiled a bit at that, and shook his head, stepping up to the door that lead inside, “once again, _please,_ be quiet. My room’s upstairs next to Tooru’s and I don’t want to wake him up, so we’ll stay down in the lower floor.”

            “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Hide rolled his eyes, “I’ve got it, wake up your sleeping baby and you’ll cut out my tongue and nail it on my front door as a decoration.”

            Sasaki turned the knob and stepped inside, beckoning for Hide to follow him, his voice hushed, “exactly, so don’t wake them up or so help me—.”

 

            “Oh, there you are!”

 

            The slight voice made Sasaki jump just a bit when he looked up into the dimly lit kitchen. The boy sat on one of the bar stools, his legs tucked under him while he leaned against the counter, sipping from a mug. His short hair was mussed from sleep and there were dark circles forming under his eyes which made Sasaki concerned again for his sleep habits.

            “Sasaki, I went to go ask you something and you weren’t there. I mean, sure, you go on walks sometimes but you’re always up reading this time of night so I thought it’d be okay. I was really worried, I thought something might’ve happened to you.”

            Sasaki closed his eyes and chuckled, shaking his head a bit, “I’m getting scolded by my own men, truly, I’m the shame of the CCG, they should take my badge and strip me of my honors, I’m not fit to lead you anymore. I’m sorry I worried you, Tooru, I had some business.”

            Mutsuki furrowed his brow, and glanced around Sasaki towards Hide and raised a pointing finger.

            “Oh!” Hide perks, “this must be your sleeping child you were so worried about.”

            “He’s not my actual child,” Sasaki said, “he’s my subordinate, he’s a member of my team.”

            “Dear lord,” Hide rest a hand over his heart, “what an awful thing to say to your offspring. You’re cruel, _heartless.”_

 

            A small sound, akin to “Wha…?” escaped Tooru as Sasaki sighed, covering his eyes with his hand.

            Hide snickered, “Don’t worry, dude, he’s just bitter you’re not adopted.”

            “ _Hideyoshi.”_ Sasaki practically growled, which made the younger boy straighten.

            “Oh,” Tooru noted, “so this is Hide?”

 

            “What?” Sasaki questioned.

            “Oh, no, I don’t know him, I thought you did. I heard you say his name in your sleep last night. I was curious is all.”

 

            Hide snorted, “I’m flattered, man, really, _dreaming about me?_ That’s kinda romantic.”

 

            “Oh my god,” Sasaki practically groaned, glancing towards his teammate who just sort of shrugged as if to say, _“I don’t know what to tell you, he’s not wrong.”_

 

            Hide laughed as Sasaki shook his head and marched across the room to flop face first onto the couch. Sasaki could hear footsteps approaching and a sudden weight dropped onto his back, forcing him to let out a huff of air before he could take a breath. He protested for a few moments, knowing Tooru was staring at the pair of them like they’d lost their minds, before he finally gave in, accepting his fate.

            Sasaki shifted moving lifting his head to look at his subordinate, “Tooru, you don’t have to worry. You can go back to bed. I’ll be fine down here, just get some rest and we’ll discuss whatever you needed to in the morning, okay?”             The boy looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding, starting up the stairs before turning back for a moment, “Oh, and make sure you don’t suffocate, _Sir._ Who else is going to assault us with puns when it gets too quiet for a millisecond?” And with that, he disappeared up the staircase and did not return.

 

            “Well, he seems nice.” Hide said after a moment of silence.             “He is, he works hard, he cares a lot, he’s respectful to the right people. He’s a good person, and a very good agent.”

            “He admires you a lot, it’s really obvious.”

            That made Sasaki smile, a slight laugh shook him and by default, Hide, “He’s a silly one, there. But I’m glad he has someone he can look towards. Everyone deserves a person like that.”

 

            Hide made a slight sound which could’ve meant a lot of things before he sighed, “that’s very true.” He shifted, laying on his stomach on top of Sasaki and effectively flattening him.

            Sasaki coughed, “what are you doing? Get off me, I can’t breathe!”

           

Hide rolled his eyes, “scoot over, a bit, idiot. It’s just like old times.”

            Doing as he was told, Sasaki shifted towards the edge of the couch and moved onto his side, “so you’re just going to take up the entire couch, then, hm? Rude.”

            “No,” Hide sighed, resting his hand on Sasaki’s shoulder and forcing his body to move so that he faced him on his side, before pulling him forward into his arms. “We used to do this a lot, you know,” he said in a hushed tone, resting his chin on top of Sasaki’s head, “we would lay on the couch, curled up together and talk about things until dawn. We’d just lay there, and sometimes I’d mess with your hair because you like that and it helps you sleep. You’ve always had trouble sleeping, with such a big brain like yours, all those thoughts keep you running around for hours.” Hide chuckled under his breath, “you really are ridiculous.”

            Sasaki let out a slow breath, he decided to at least let Hide have this. He wasn’t sure he remembered yet, but it felt familiar, _safe._ He felt like if he tried, he could sleep and sleep for hours.

           

            He fought with himself for a while, consciousness was beginning to evade him and for once he was completely okay with it. Sasaki found asylum in him, and he was okay with letting himself be taken care of.

            Just this once.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is gradually getting more and more gay as we go but who's complaining not me


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man.

Hide laid there for a while, mindful of his sleeping companion.

            It amused him, that Kaneki could suddenly sleep perfectly fine the moment he was there. He knew that was some of his own arrogance speaking and that Kaneki was probably just subconsciously relieved to not be alone for once. Hide didn’t really mind, he supposed believing his friend might just be warming up to him so thoroughly was just wishful thinking on his part. It wasn’t his fault, really. He was a dreamer after all.

            The sun was beginning to touch the horizon and Hide figured that he’d have to wake Kaneki or at least move him relatively soon if he didn’t want his team interrogating him when they woke. He was sure his friend would be less than pleased if his team started questioning his late-night activities.

            Hide shifted carefully, smiling slightly when Kaneki made a small sound in his sleep, as if protesting the sudden lack of warmth as Hide carefully moved off the couch. He walked around to the front of the couch and touched his shoulder, gently shaking him, “Kaneki,” He said softly, “Kaneki wake up.”

            The small groggy noise that escaped the sleeping man was enough to make Hide falter a bit before he forced himself to shake him again, “Kaneki.”

            Nothing.

            Hide rolled his eyes, Kaneki was stubborn as usual and he was completely unsurprised. He gave up, bending to hook his arm under Kaneki’s knees and gather him up. He’d grown, sure, but he was still light as he’d always been. He knew his friend would be irritated with him for this, but Hide figured once in a while he could suck it up.

He started up the stairs and tread quietly, deciding on the room with the only open door and the bookshelves piled to the bursting. He glanced around the room once he carefully shut the door with his heel, a desk with stacks of papers and a pair of glasses was against the back wall, almost directly beside it was a plain bed, which was made but was in no way pristine.

            How very like him.

            Hide pulled back the covers and then placed Kaneki on his mattress, sliding in beside him and situating the blankets over them once he was settled.

 

            This was nice.

            Unbelievably so.

 

            It didn’t take him long to doze off, soft sunlight filtering through the small window, gone unnoticed to Hide with his face buried in a head of fluffy, two-toned hair.

 

* * *

_“Hey, Hide,” Kaneki asked, swinging his feet back and forth off of his perch on top of the monkey bars._

_“What’s up?” Hide was quick to reply, hanging upside down from his knees._

_“What if we got married? Then we wouldn’t have to worry about mean girls or heartbreak, ya know?”_

_Hide swung upwards so he could look at his friend, “married?” He looked Kaneki up and down before he let go and swung back, “sure why not?”_

_-_

_“Hey, Kaneki,” Hide asked late one night that Kaneki was sleeping over, “have you ever kissed anyone?”_

_“No,” Kaneki wasn’t ashamed, it’s not something he felt like was a huge deal, “you?”_

_“No.”_

_They were both quiet for a moment, before Hide began to look thoughtful, “Hey… what if we…”_

_“Kissed?” Kaneki suggested and Hide nodded, blushing furiously._

_“I mean—we’re best friends, so it’s not weird, right?”_

_“Right…” Kaneki nodded in agreement and shifted a little bit closer to his friend. He reached out with a shaking hand and touched Hide’s face, freezing up a bit when he laughed. “What? I thought that’s what you’re supposed to do!”_

_“It tickles,” Hide said, scooting forward and before Kaneki could react, screwed his eyes shut, and pressed his lips to his._

     

-

 

      _“Kaneki,” Hide said beside his ear as he walked behind him, tugging on his sleeve. A gesture that between them, they both understood as **‘follow me.’.** Kaneki walked after him out of the restaurant without question, outside and farther away from their group of ‘friends’ that they occasionally spent time with. _

_Hide walked around to the side of the building and leaned against the wall._

_“What’s bothering you?” Kaneki questioned, crossing his arms over his chest._

_Hide looked thoughtful for a moment before he sighed, “Hey, remember that time when we were younger, when you slept over at my house the first time?”_

_“You mean when we practiced kissing and you drooled all over my face? Yes I do. What’s brought this up so suddenly?”_

_“Hey, shut up I had braces I couldn’t help it.” Hide shook his head slowly, “anyways, I’m being serious here, man.”_

_“Okay, I’m sorry, go ahead.” Kaneki prompted, making a gesture for him to continue._

_Hide looked downward for a good while before he finally spoke, “This might really mess things up, and god, that thought scares the hell out of me… But Kaneki, I really can’t keep this a secret anymore.” Hide paused to take a shaking breath, “Kaneki I’ve had feelings for you for, god knows how long, I have no idea. But they’re there and it kills me that you don’t know about it. I know you don’t feel that way and that you like girls and I know that this must be really weird for you but… I just, it makes me feel a bit better to get this off of my chest. I’m sorry.”_

_It was a lot to take in, Hide looked like he was in pain, his brow furrowed, shoulders hunched forward, eyes downcast. “Hide…” He began._

_“Don’t,” Hide sounded hurt, “I know… Just, don’t…”_

_“No, Hide,” Kaneki said, his voice gentle. He approached him slowly, taking a step and then two closer than he normally would, hand reaching out to touch his face like he had those years ago when they were younger. “It’s all okay…” and their lips brushed._

* * *

 

      Sasaki woke with a start, his heart pounding, body tingling. He sat straight up, running a hand through his hair. A slight groan behind him told him he’d woken Hide, and the thought just made him worry more.

      A slight shift in the bed mean Hide probably sat up.

      “Morning, Kaneki, you look lovely this morning. Love what you’re doing with the hair, really.” He paused for a moment, “is something wrong? Dude, you look sick.”

      Sasaki sighed and turned to look at him, then glanced at the clock and his anxiety shot through the roof, _“Shit.”_ He leapt out of bed and threw on his coat, brushing his hair down in the small mirror he kept in his room. “Hide, I’m late for work. I’ve got to run. You can feel free to stay here or I could meet back with you later somewhere else later? You have my cell number, don’t you?”

      Hide looked confused for a moment before he blinked, nodding, “I might just stay, m’tired…”

      Sasaki watched him flop back down onto the mattress, and he watched him for a moment, mulling over what these dreams could’ve meant for him, before he turned on his heel and walked out of the room without another word.

 

* * *

 

      “He’s an interesting guy,” Tooru told him during lunch, “I like him. It’s nice to see you have friends outside me and the rest of the squad. You seem to like him a lot too.”

      That made him think, “Yeah, we’ve know each other for _years._ ”

 

* * *

 

“Sasaki, you seem distracted today, are you feeling okay?”

 

* * *

 

      It was truly a long, unproductive day.

      Not much progress had been made in tracking down their newest case and they’d all decided to adjourn and meet again. So Sasaki headed home, walking the normal route with the past night’s visions on his mind and a heavy heart in his chest. The walk seemed to end too quickly and he found himself at his doorstep with a familiar young man sitting on the stoop, staring up at the sky with earphones in, swaying back and forth ever so slightly to his music.

      He rolled his eyes, walking towards him to tap him on the shoulder, “What are you doing out here? It’s cold.”

      Hide jumped a bit when he was touched before he broke into his usual smile, “nah, it’s not so cold. It’s nice out.”

      Everything was quiet for a few moments as Sasaki moved to sit beside him, folding his hands in his lap and staring towards the stars. He mulled over how he’d felt in his dreams, how his previous self had felt. How _sure_ his previous self had been. He sighed, before nudging his friend with his shoulder, “Hide.”

      “Hm?” Hide responded, not moving.

      “Do you remember, back then,” Sasaki paused briefly, “the kiss?”

      Hide stiffened for a moment before he turned to look at him, “which? The one with the drool, or the one where I near had a mental breakdown?”

      “The first.” Sasaki said simply.

      “Oh,” Hide hesitated, “so you’re remembering.”

     

      Sasaki shifted a bit so he was facing him, not paying much mind to the other’s worry, “you know, we should do that again sometime.”

      Hide only made a confused sound, tilting his head.

      “The first kiss thing,” Sasaki continued, “we should do that again.”

      “It doesn’t _work_ like that though,” Hide said, “not that I don’t want this, just, you only get one. One first kiss. What are you on about?”

      “Well I—.”

      “And secondly,” Hide interrupted, “you probably aren’t even sure how you feel.”

      “You’re right about that,” Sasaki spoke surely, “ _but,_ I want to, no, I _need_ to. I need to know how I feel. I want to make sure I feel about you how I think I do.”

      “But—.” Hide began to protest.

      “I’m not sure, but I want to find out.”

      Hide sighed, “and so kissing me is part of your plan? Isn’t that a little selfish? That’s very unlike you.”

      “Well, I’ve changed. And so have you.”

      Hide nodded, “we’re almost different people now,” he admitted.

      Sasaki straightened up a bit, “so that’s why we should start over. Help me find out.”

      Hide rolled his shoulders, letting out a breath and letting himself droop for a moment. He looked indecisive, like he was tossing the outcomes around in his brain until he came up with his answer. After a long silence he looked up, “so the first kiss, yeah?”

 

      “May I?”

      Hide nodded.

 

      So Sasaki leaned forward, resting his forehead against Hide’s and took a breath, the smell of him was warm and familiar. He smiled just slightly, before tilting his chin, and pressing a kiss to his lips. He could feel Hide exhale, feel fingers in his hair, tucking strands behind his ear, feel warmth blossom in his chest and the sensation felt like coming home.

     

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh mannnnnnnnnnnn.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter's short, but I like it a lot!

Sasaki was a bit out of practice and a bit inept at kissing.

      It was very simple really but he’d found what he enjoyed probably wasn’t part of the general norm. What were people supposed to like when kissing? He didn’t really remember, but Hide seemed to be pleased enough.

      Hide’s fingers tangled into Sasaki’s hair, little tugs made him jump a bit at first before he began to get used to it, his heart pounding as his lips parted, Hide’s tongue sliding into his mouth and the taste made him dizzy.

      Hide was sweet, familiar.

      His teeth gently scraped over the muscle and he was drowning.

      Hide was intoxicating.

 

      The sound of a throat being cleared and shuffling feet practically made Sasaki jump out of his skin, immediately covering his mouth with his sleeve before he looked up towards the offending sound.

 

      Tooru stood alone, arms crossed, eyes narrowed with a light smirk playing on his lips. It was an odd expression for him, what with him being as shy as a young fawn and as slight as a hare. But Sasaki could tell that boy had evil on his mind and he’d found the courage to put it to use. Tooru stepped forward without a word and started up the steps, patting Sasaki on the shoulder as he went, glancing backward as he began to unlock the door, only speaking when the lock popped open and he was ready to stroll through, “be safe, kids, make good choices.” He was gone for just a moment before poking his head back outside, “oh, and Sasaki, the walls in here are quite thin, please be mindful.” And with that, he disappeared inside, closing the door behind him.

 

The silence only lasted a moment before it was broken by Hide’s roaring laughter and Sasaki’s horrified groan as he buried his face in his hands. He could practically hear Hide smile before he slung an arm over Sasaki’s shoulders, pulling him closer, “I like that kid, he’s got guts. He’ll go far in life.”

Sasaki glanced upward away from his fingers, “that he will, if I don’t wring his neck first.”

“Nah, you wouldn’t lay a finger on him, I can tell.”

“You’re right there,” Sasaki sighed, “people tell me a lot that I act like his mother, I suppose that’s true.”

Hide shook his head, laughing, “you’re too much… anyways,” he paused, becoming more serious, “how did your plan work out for you?”

Sasaki bit his lip, furrowing his brow. How did it work out? It was lovely, really, kissing him, feeling safe, it made him feel like he was doing something right. As if he was supposed to be doing this all along and had only just found it. He wasn’t sure he could classify that as love but he could most definitely call it attraction, attraction with intention even.

“Surprisingly well.” Sasaki finally answered, “but, I’m still not quite sure… But now I know it’s there, and so, Hide, I need to ask a favor of you.”

 

Hide slumped forward just a bit as if he was disappointed, and nodded, “look, if you’re trying to get in my pants to figure yourself out I’m afraid—.”

“No.” Sasaki said immediately, “Hide, listen to me.”

 

Hide straightened, and stretched his back, before he dipped his head, telling him to continue.

 

“Hide, you know that I’m a very analytical person.” Sasaki paused momentarily, “so you must know that I need time to look things over. But, I know one thing. Being with you, it feels right. I know this is what I’m supposed to be doing. So that’s why I’m going to ask you one favor.” He smiled, reaching out to rest a hand on Hide’s face, brushing over his cheekbone with his thumb, “Help me fall for you again.”

            Hide closed his eyes, the sound that came from him was something akin to a whine as he nuzzled into the touch. He was silent for a long while, his shoulders rose and fell with his breaths while he remained still. His first movement was to turn his head slightly and press a kiss to Sasaki’s palm, eyelids fluttering before they finally opened and the amber that stared at him was filled with something gentle, yet something that burned with a ferocity that he felt could set him aflame if he weren’t careful.

            Hide nodded slowly and he stood, offering Sasaki a hand and pulled him to his feet when he took it. “Kaneki,” He said, his voice soft, “I’ll do whatever you ask, just please, don’t play with me.”

            Sasaki shook his head, “I’d never. I swear it to you, on my life—.”

            “Please don’t do that either, please don’t even suggest the notion of offering your life.”

            Sasaki smiled slightly and touched Hide’s shoulder, “of course. I swear it to you. I’d never lead you on.”

            “Then you have me,” Hide said softly, twining his fingers with the hand he still held, taking a step forward to touch his forehead to Sasaki’s, “You have my trust and you have my heart, be gentle to them.”

            Sasaki closed his eyes, “I’ll do my best to guard them with honor.”

            “That’s all I ask,” Hide murmured and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before he stepped away, laughing when Sasaki briefly angled his face as if searching for contact, “Now, now, Kaneki, I’ve got to go. Some of us have work in the morning.”

            Sasaki tipped his head to the side, furrowing his brow, only able to produce a simple, “oh.”

            “I’ll come see you tomorrow, don’t miss me too much,” Hide had the nerve to wink and earned a punch to the arm.

            “Ah yes, now you can share my pain,” Sasaki rolled his eyes, “the agony from this abandonment burns within me. How will I ever go on?” He gripped his chest, dramatically collapsing to the pavement, “oh the pain. Oh, Hide, take me to a doctor I think I’m having a heart attack.”

            “Oh, my let’s just take you to the ER then. Do I need to carry you there like I carry you to bed?”

            “Not at all,” Sasaki scoffed, “I am quite capable of taking myself places.” With that he tried to make a dramatic exit and promptly tripped over his own feet. Having to catch himself on the railing beside his front steps.

             Sasaki just gave in, sliding to the pavement, spreading out his arms and legs in each direction, sighing when Hide laughed at him.

            The sound of distant voices didn’t do much to rouse him from his spot of living in denial.

“Shouldn’t Sasaki be back by now?”

            “He usually makes dinner, don’t tell me he’s slacking off!”

            “Oh, no, no,” A smaller voice answered, “Sasaki’s out front with his boyfriend he’ll be in shortly I’m sure.”

            A small chorus of ‘what’s’ and other general terms to illustrate surprise rang out and the sound of a door opening and closing and a soft, condescending snort, made Sasaki raise his head off of the concrete.

 

            “Having fun there, Sasaki?” Urie looked down at him, eyebrows raised, casting a glance to the side as he muttered under his breath, “having fun, more like slacking off on dinner you lazy idiot.”  

            “Yes, actually, and I’ll be nice enough to ignore that last part.” Sasaki shrugged from his place on the ground, earning a chuckle from Hide in the background, “it’s quite nice down here. Care for a lie down? We could discuss our feelings. Have a good, proper, team bonding session.”

            Urie just shook his head and mumbled something undistinguishable, glancing towards Hide who just shrugged.

            “I’ll be in, in a moment. I’ve got to finish something here.”

            “Ah, yes, you seem quite busy,” Urie commented before retreating back inside, rolling his eyes like men who think they’re much more clever than they are always do.

 

            Tooru poked his head out of the door, glancing around, “what even happened out here?”

            Hide shrugged, nudging Sasaki with his foot, laughing when he flinched, “ah, nothing. He fell for me.”           

 

            Hide ducked when a shoe flew over his head, jogging off down the street, “See you tomorrow! I’ll call you! Don’t have a heart attack!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've still got a ways to go with this, thanks for all the positive comments!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it sure has been a while. I'm working on the next chapter right now, actually.

It didn’t take Hide long to call him.  
            Text, rather, though Sasaki supposed it was the same difference. It was Ten-Thirty AM, Sasaki had only just woken on one of his few days off in a while, and his phone buzzed every couple minutes on his bedside table. He frowned in the direction of the vibration tone and picked up his phone on his way off of his chair and towards the sitting room.

 

            [Text: 10:24 AM --] Kaneki, are you up?

            [Text: 10:29 AM--] Kaneki, hey, get out of bed and answer your phone.

            [Text: 10:32 AM--] Are you ignoring me? I’m hurt. Really. Wow.

            [Text: 10:36 AM--] My heart is breaking over here.

            [Text: 10:38 AM--] How could you. Ignore me. In my home, on this, the day of my daughter’s wedding.

            [Text: 10:40 AM--] I’m going to just break into your house and haul you out of bed myself.

            [Text: 10:41 AM--] I’m sure your squad wouldn’t mind. I’m adorable.

            [Text: 10:42 AM--] The squid squad.   
            [Text: 10:43 AM--] Isn’t that cute? I came up with it myself I’m so clever.

            [Text: 10:45 AM--] I’m getting ready to knock on your door, come let me in you giant loser. Do you want your son to come drag you out of bed with another literal projection of “your boyfriend.” Because I bet you don’t.

 

            Sasaki rolled his eyes in sync with the rhythmic beats that sounded on the door downstairs, which he was already on the way to answer when Shirazu called out to him about it, “I’ve got it!” He shouted back, half-hopping off of the final step as he made his way to the door, opening it to find Hide leaning against the frame with eyebrows raised, an odd expression on his face.

 

            “What is it?” Sasaki asked, tilting his head, which for some reason made Hide laugh.

            “You’ve got a bit of bed hair, there.” Hide spoke with an audible smirk and reached out to ruffle the two-toned hair. “Looks like you combed it with a hand-grenade.”

            “Ah, hush,” Sasaki gave Hide a shove and gestured for him to come in. He shot a warning look in the direction of the majority of the squad sitting at the breakfast bar as he closed the door behind him. It wasn’t that he thought that Hide would suddenly be scared off by something the group would say or that they’d suddenly be ruing their entire existences if they stepped out of line. It was just that they knew too much. They could ruin him.

            “Good morning, all,” Hide spoke in that tone that made you wonder if he was making fun of you, “I’m troubled to say today I’ll be kidnapping your dear leader, and won’t be gracing you with my presence for very long.”

            Sasaki furrowed his brow and glanced in Hide’s direction.

            Hide shrugged, turning his attention to Sasaki, “and you, you have thirty minutes to get ready, I’ll be texting you an address and you can meet me there.”

            “I… what?”

            “See you then!” Hide turned on his heel and left quickly, leaving Sasaki and the others to stand for a moment in confusion.

 

* * *

 

She’d been working hard. She waited tables and greeted customers with a smile. Spent her nights studying and trying her best to live up to what he wanted for her. After all, whenever he came back she knew he’d hate to see her in some state of distress or poverty. 

It had been a long time.

A long, long time.

In half of that long, long time she’d found out he was still alive but he remembered nothing.

So she swallowed her pride and she waited.

Because she had faith that he would return, as he always did.

That didn’t mean she hadn’t been frustrated with him, that she hadn’t cried her eyes out or yelled until her throat hurt. It didn’t mean that she hadn’t grown bitter at times, refused to leave her room for days before Yomo would finally call her down.

Nowadays she was fine by some extent of the word. She still waited tables and still worked hard and still greeted customers with a smile, but not because he would want her to anymore. But because she wanted to as well. She had come to enjoy serving others without her old sense of sarcasm she’d done it with in the past. She liked the smiles she received simply for placing a hot cup of coffee down for someone, or the words of gratefulness she occasionally was given. She was more peaceful now, but she could still be a real piece of work when she needed to be.

“Touka,” A voice from the back of the shop roused her, “can you go down to the post office and mail this for me?”

She rose without a sigh for once and took the parcel from Yomo’s outstretched grasp, starting towards the door before looking over her shoulder, “need anything else while I’m out?”

“Not that I can say.”

At that she dipped her head, and left the shop. It was a nice day, not too hot, not too cold. The lingering chill that was left by a cold front that blew through a few days prior still touched the air making it just brisk enough to don a jacket. Touka shrugged her coat up a bit on her shoulders and placed the parcel under her arm to blow warm air onto her hands, still a bit cold despite the pleasant weather. She shook her head and continued her journey, only stopping from time to time to listen to strangers speaking on the streets or almost having a heart attack when she came a bit too close to a set of gray eyes that were just slightly too dull to be the ones she was waiting for.

Admittedly she’d seen them since then.

They’d walked into her shop and smiled at her with a question in their depths but a polite smile on his lips. He had people with him, a group of two others, a small young man with an eyepatch and a strange fellow with odd hair and even stranger diction.

He seemed happy.

Which made her rest a bit easier.

 

Dropping the package off had been easy, coming back is what made it a little harder. Touka had paused, looking down at her phone for just a moment to check the time when she saw him again.

He was alone this time, dressed casually with glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. He looked up in her direction with crystalline silver and smiled which might as well have killed her had a voice not called from behind her shoulder.

“Kaneki!” The sound was familiar, along with the blur that passed through her peripheral vision, and the weight that collided with her shoulder, causing her to stumble forward in her momentary trance.

“Oh, oh no, I’m so sorry—wait…” The young man crouched down beside her and she immediately recognized him. Hide. He’d been in the shop a couple times, checking in on her, asking for information, but that’d been in the beginning when no one knew anything and they were all as blind as normal pedestrians. “Touka?”

She sighed, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear as she took the hand he offered her to stand, “Hello, Hide, been walking very long?” She stood, avoiding looking past him where she knew Kaneki stood, lowering her voice, she gestured with her eyes, “is he?”

“He’s getting here.” Hide spoke softly, “he doesn’t remember everything, but he’s getting bits and pieces back.”

 

“You two are talking bad about me aren’t you?” Kaneki’s voice made them both look at him in time to see his brows furrow, changing his expression from playful to serious. His head tipped slightly to one side, lips parted slightly as if he was searching for words he’d yet to find. “I…”

“Kaneki,” Hide said, his voice was concerned and it didn’t really surprise her. She didn’t expect him to know what all was going on, he was probably lost as all hell and had no idea where to go. “Kaneki, do you remember her?”

“Ah, vaguely…?” Kaneki said, his voice suddenly soft, his hand raising to comb in his hair, resting there. “I… what’s…”

 

“Kirishima.” Touka answered before he could ask, not too hopeful, but polite enough so not to raise questions if he didn’t recognize her after all.”

 

They both waited for a moment, watching Kaneki carefully until he finally looked up and mumbled, “…Touka?” His face then twisted, suddenly looking sick, he swore under his breath, his knee buckling onto the pavement as he clutched his skull, breath heaving.

Hide rushed into action, kneeling, pressing his forehead to Kaneki’s, speaking softly before he turned to look at her, “can we take him back to the shop? He needs to lie down.”

“Of course, can you carry him? Or should I?”

Hide smiled slightly, “you’re insulting my manly strength with your freakish powers. Do you intend to emasculate me? Wow.” He then dipped his head, “in all seriousness, no, I’ve got him. But thank you. You’ve been a big help.”

 

* * *

 

Sasaki woke to the smell of coffee and a jumbled mind. He wasn’t sure when he passed out, but he had, and he was nothing but confused at the moment. He remembered the young woman and Hide and speaking her name before his head felt like he’d been administered a railroad spike to the skull. He sighed, sitting up and rubbing his eyes, “Touka…” He said, voice soft, “Touka Kirishima. Ghoul. Two years younger than me. Rabbit. Anteiku… Coffee…”

“That’s right.” The familiar voice said beside him and he turned to see Hide, sitting on the bed against the wall beside him. “Touka’s off talking to the guy downstairs, she should be back soon. How do you feel?”

Sasaki frowned, before nodding slowly, “I’m alright. Is she? She looked upset.”

Hide smiled and shifted closer to sit beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, “she’s fine. She’s a real fighter.” He leaned in and kissed Sasaki’s cheek, “don’t worry about anything. We should get you home soon.”

“We shouldn’t leave her,” Sasaki insisted, “she knows me, I know her, she’s probably been waiting for me.”

“She has.” Hide pulled him a bit closer, “but she understands. I’ve already spoken with her. It was her idea to take you home and bring you back when you were feeling better. For now, we’re going to go back, and I’m going to treat you like a princess and kiss you a lot and you’re going to rest for the night. Then tomorrow, we’ll come back here and we’ll have the biggest goddamn cup of coffee ever and we’ll spend time with Touka and she’ll be like ‘whoa, you guys are totally cute together’ and I’ll be like ‘yeah, because I’m like super adorable.’”

“I don’t think she’d say that.” Sasaki quipped.

“Just agree to let me baby you this one time and then tomorrow you can yell at me a lot. Okay?”

Sasaki rolled his eyes before he nodded, tipping his head to press a quick kiss to his lips, “Okay.”

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short but it's more a transitional chapter and I love

 

“You two disgust me.”

Sasaki pulled away from Hide to look in the direction of the doorway. Touka leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest. She bore a slight smile despite her sarcastic tone.

Hide rolled his eyes, “oh? I’m hurt, god, what ever will I do now that I know the princess of my universe, Touka Kirishima herself, is disgusted by me. My life is over.” With that he brought his knees to his chest, curling in on himself. He made sounds as though he were pretending to cry, and when Sasaki shot Touka a questioning look she snorted.

“How do you feel, Kaneki?” She asked him and he shrugged.

“I’m alright,” Sasaki laughed a little, shouldering Hide, “see, I told you she wouldn’t call you cute.”

“You’re breaking my heart.” Hide mumbled, breaking down into even more faux hysterics.

Sasaki rolled his eyes and smiled a bit wistfully in her direction, “I wish I remembered more, but I do remember you, Touka. It’s so nice to see you again.”

Touka left the doorway and walked closer, plopping down on the edge of the bed, “It’s nice to see you again, too, Kaneki. I see you’ve been taking care of yourself.”

“I have, and so have you. You look lovely.”

 

Hide raises his head and speaks with a sniveling voice, “I look lovely too.”

“That you do,” Sasaki chuckled, patting his head. He laughed when Hide made a small “eeee” sound, clutching his stomach as he leaned forward.

Touka raised her eyebrows and laughed herself, “It wasn’t even that funny.”

“Yes, but…!” He shook with laughter and Hide took notice, patting his back and laughing along. It was all ridiculous and left them redfaced, tears threatening to leak from their eyes as they had their first good session of just simple happiness together in a long while. Hide shook Sasaki a bit and lifted him by the back of his sweater, using his thumb to wipe a tear from under his eye, and Sasaki followed suit, knocking his forehead against Hide’s.

“Touka,” Sasaki beckoned, “Come here.”

“I’m not going to kiss you if that’s what you’re asking, you idiot.” She responded quickly, her voice still tinged with laughter.

Sasaki shook his head with a smile, “no, no, just come here.” When she leaned forward he pulled her under his arm, hugging her close burying his nose in her hair, chuckling when she nestled in against them. Something told him she wasn’t really the type to do things like this, and that she was only participating because she’d missed him so much and that made him feel special. He could feel Hide press light kisses to his face and he could practically drown in affection if he felt like it.

“Kaneki,” Hide said softly by his ear, “We should still go, before it gets too dark.”

Sasaki sighed, glancing down at the head of dark hair tucked under his chin but then lifted it again, remembering the promise to meet again tomorrow. He nodded, shifting so he could look Touka in the eye once more, “coffee, tomorrow? Noon?”

She nodded and gave his shoulder shove, “you better not stand me up, idiot.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

 

* * *

 

            The walk home was uneventful, Hide held his hand and occasionally leaned in his direction to press a kiss to his cheek or the corner of his eye, nuzzling his nose against Sasaki’s cheek and smiling when his face would scrunch up.

            “You’re adorable,” Hide murmured beside his ear and glanced upward, nodding his head in the direction of Sasaki’s front door, “what’s the chance of us going up to your room without them noticing?”

            “Slim to none, but I’m sure they’d love to see you try.” Sasaki shrugged, “though I’m sure Tooru would love to see you anyways. He thinks you’re very funny, you know. Though I doubt you’d manage to get too far without Urie giving you the runaround, he’s been rather testy lately, might say something like ‘aren’t you afraid of being eaten by him?’ or something of the sort, he’s a real piece of work.”

            Hide seemed to ponder it for a moment, “ah, I’d risk it for you. They don’t scare me, I can survive some back talk. I’m a big boy.”

            “Ah, a true hero,” Sasaki smiled slightly and opened the front door, for once finding no one and speaking a small ‘huh’. He shrugged, gesturing for Hide to follow him as he closed the door before heading upstairs. “I think they went out to eat, they do that occasionally, they’ll be back before the night ends, I’m sure.”

            “Perfect,” Hide said, giving Sasaki a light push between his shoulder blades up the stairs, and following up to his room. Sasaki would’ve thought Hide was trying to get something from him if he hadn’t known him better, so when he entered his bedroom and Hide plopped down onto his bed and beamed at him, he wasn’t surprised at all.

            “Come here,” Hide beckoned, patting the mattress beside him.

            Sasaki rolled his eyes and sat beside him, reaching out to touch Hide’s cheek with a gentle touch. He smiled slightly, leaning in to peck his nose, laughing when Hide flushed.

Hide shifted and kissed him for real, pressing his lips against Sasaki’s a bit harder than he usually did. He threaded his fingers through his mop of snow-soot hair, eyes slipping shut as he let a slow breath go through his nose. Sasaki huffed, shifting to get a bit more comfortable, hooking an arm under Hide’s around his back. Hide’s dipped against Sasaki’s lips and that taste was back, the dizzying one that made his head spin and his heart thunder.

But this time it felt a bit different.

Sasaki’s head was pounding as he shifted back against the wall that his bed was pushed against, Hide following suit, hovering over him on his knees. It was all in every sense, so much. So much happening all at once. It made him feel strange.

It made his eye sting a little.

Oh no.

Oh no.

With a strong nip to his lower lip he was done for, breath hitching, scrambling backwards, his hand flying up to cover his left eye. Panic set it much too quickly and his breathing was suddenly harsh, he avoided Hide’s concerned, questioning glances and worrying hands as much as possible but ultimately failed.

 

“Kaneki…” He whispered, “Kaneki, I’m sorry are you alright?” Hide paused, eyes flickering over his face as he gathered what was wrong and he sighed softly, “Kaneki… you don’t have to hide that from me. Let me see you.”

Sasaki shook his head, “No… no, you can’t see…”

“Kaneki.” Hide said a bit more forcefully this time, but never losing his gentleness. “Trust me.”

Sasaki breathed a shaking sigh and lowered his hand, blinking up at Hide with his fully displayed Kakugan.

Hide exhaled and parted his lips slightly, reaching forward with a hand and tracing the lines alongside Sasaki’s eye, he finally smiled softly, “absolutely beautiful.”

“Oh…” Sasaki’s shoulders slumped forward a bit and he leaned in to rest his forehead against Hide’s shoulder, “what did I ever do to deserve you?”

Hide chuckled softly, nosing against his neck, “it’s not about deserving or not deserving. I’m just horribly and completely in love with you is all.” He paused, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “I find beauty in you. In everything you are. In your eyes, even when they’re black and a little scary. I find beauty here,” He punctuated his point by resting his hand against the small of his back, “even when there’s tentacles and scales. I find beauty in you at rest and you at war. Anything that’s a part of you, will never be an object of my fears.”

Sasaki let out a soft noise like a whine and he wrapped his arms around Hide’s neck, nuzzling farther into the crook of his neck, “I think I love you.” He whispered into his collarbone.

Hide smiled, closing his eyes and leaning into his embrace, “I know you do.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been super long, but here's the new chapter! I've been super busy planning for college things so that's what the absence was for!

            Sure, Hide hadn't gotten as far as he would've liked to the night before, but that wasn't a big deal to him. Nothing was too big of a deal for him to handle when it came to Kaneki, anyways. Hide thought back to the past evening's events as he looked down to the sleeping form curled into his side, whose fluffy hair tickled the underside of his chin.

 

          _Sasaki let out a soft noise like a whine and he wrapped his arms around Hide’s neck, nuzzling farther into the crook of his neck, “I think I love you.” He whispered into his collarbone._

_Hide smiled, closing his eyes and leaning into his embrace, “I know you do.”_

            _Sasaki went limp almost, sinking against Hide, he shifted and Hide could almost feel his brow furrow, "I don't know yet, but I'm almost there, I think…"_

_Hide laughed softly, arms circling him, "take your time, I'll wait, I've got all the time in the world."_

_Sasaki sighed, looking up from Hide's shoulder. His eyes were half lidded and his mouth was slightly down turned. Hide would've thought he was upset if not for him knocking his forehead against his briefly before he spoke almost too quietly to hear, "thank you Hide."_

_With that he promptly slumped forward once more, his breathing becoming steady and deep, Hide figured the day's activities had caught up with him fairly quickly, and he'd helped position him under his covers, careful not to disturb him._

            Hide looked up to the sound of the door opening and closing downstairs. The house was suddenly filled with voices and he paused to consider his options before he gave up, "ah, to hell with it."   
            Hide move with care, sliding out of bed successfully without waking Kaneki, and he slipped from the room, closing the door behind him. He made his way downstairs to a group of half-startled, half-furious faces.   
            Most shock boiled down to confusion, the younger looking one, Tooru, shifted a bit on his feet, angling the girl with the pigtails behind him a bit. The two taller ones looked more irritated than wary, the one with the shorter hair however, only rolling his eyes while the particularly colorful looking one practically bristled.  
            Hide raised his hands and laughed, "hey now, hey now, I'm not breaking into your house, I'm not going to hurt anyone, calm down and I'll explain everything."  
            Tooru narrowed his visible eye a bit before he nodded slowly, "Sasaki likes you, I'll trust you."  
            The boy with the sharp teeth curled his lip, "Speaking of, where's he anyways? What'd 'ya do with Sassan?"   
            Hide quirked a brow, stifling a snort, "he's asleep, _upstairs,_ he collapsed earlier. He's probably overworked himself lately. So I carried him back here. I'm a good friend, I promise."   
            Shark-boy glanced back to his companion, the one with the perpetual bitter face, who nodded, and with that Shark-boy walked past Hide and up the stairs, before returning, and nodding once more.  
            "Sorry," Hide shrugged, "but I can't understand your secret code, does this mean you're not going to crucify me for taking really good care of your superior?"  
            The pigtailed girl sighed loudly, "Shirazu leave him alone, I'm going upstairs, see you all next time you people decide it's polite to drag me out of bed." She laughed a bit and made her exit.

            Tooru huffed, "Hide, wasn't it?"  
            Hide nodded.  
            "Don't let them bother you, I know you wouldn't hurt Sasaki," The boy smiled a bit, "this is Shirazu," he gestured to Shark-boy, then to the other one, "and that's Urie. They're some of the other investigators under Sasaki's care. The girl who just left to never be seen again is Saiko."  
            "The pleasure is all mine," Hide gave him a smile, "if you don't mind, I'll probably wait down here until he wakes up, I've got a few things I need to tell him before I go."  
            Tooru glanced over towards Urie who made an indifferent noise and promptly left, presumably heading to his bedroom, and then to Shirazu, who was silent for a few moments before he barked a laugh loud enough that it made Hide worry it'd wake Kaneki.

            "You seem alight, if Sassan likes you I guess I can too." Shirazu nods to some unheard rhythm and walks off, nudging Tooru to follow him with his shoulder and the way the smaller boy seemed to flush lightly and duck his face when he mumbled a brief goodnight to Hide made him wonder if there was something going on between the two of them, oh well, he'd ask Kaneki in the morning.

 

* * *

 

            Sasaki woke with a pounding head to cold sheets and his bedroom door cracked.  
            Two of those things were very wrong.   
            He got out of bed, rolling his shoulders, then his neck, wincing as his joints crackled, and then headed downstairs pausing halfway down the case to the sounds of people talking.   
            Saiko  
            Shirazu  
            and _Hide?_

            _Oh no._

            "So you press that button to--" Hide's voice.  
            "Attack, right," Saiko's.  
            "You guys, someone should probably check on Sasaki…" Tooru's.  
            Sasaki cleared his throat and made his way down the rest of the stairs to find Saiko leaning over Hide at the breakfast bar, one of her portable game consoles in his hands. Meanwhile, Tooru seemed to be reorganizing the refrigerator, placing various jars back into the icebox before looking up at him and giving him a small wave.  
            "Hide, did you stay here overnight?"   
            Hide looked up and nodded, "yes, and now Saiko here is teaching me how to play this game, though it seems I'm a bit inept at it."  
            Sasaki shook his head, "shocking," He then turned his attention to his two squad members, "I trust you two haven't been berating him too much."  
            _"We_ haven't, but I think Shirazu wanted to burn him at the stake when we first found him," Tooru said without looking up from his work.  
            "Yeah, but it's okay," Saiko said, she seemed strangely friendly, "I'm trying to help him defeat this boss but frankly he's got the hand-eye of a child, Sasaki, poor thing tries so hard."   
            Hide looked absolutely indignant, and Sasaki laughed under his breath, "well, anyways, Hide and I have somewhere to be, do you two think you can hold down the fort for me while I'm away without starting any fires and or civil wars?"

            "I think your friend is more likely to set fire to my VITA than we are to set fire to the house," Saiko quipped and Tooru laughed from behind the refrigerator door.  
            "Excuse me, I'll have you know--." Hide started but was cut off.  
            " _Anyways,"_ Sasaki stressed once more, "I'll go change and then we'll go, yes?"  
            Hide appeared ready to strangle the two laughing teenagers, but he turned his attention to Sasaki and nodded, "whenever you're ready."

* * *

 

            They'd been inside :RE for only a moment before Yomo promptly alerted them that Touka had run out a few minutes before and that she'd be back relatively soon, so instead they sat at a table, ordered a cup of coffee and waited. It was nice, Hide and Sasaki chatted idly for a few moments before something changed.

            A bell ringing through the silence alerted them to the door opening, and the ominous air that suddenly filled the atmosphere was just slightly _too_ familiar for him to ignore. Two men stepped through the doorway, one staggeringly shorter than the other, with a seemingly much more timid disposition, but they still seemed to be cut from the same metaphorical cloth.   
            The taller of the two breathed a low and unsteady breath that felt hollow and long held, and the voice that came from him lacked the accented enthusiasm that Sasaki knew it was meant to contain.

            _"Kaneki…"_


	9. Sorry

Okay, so this very obviously isn't a new chapter. But I wanted to say I'm going to rewrite this fic. I'm not super happy with where some of it went and I want to change some things and it'll be MUCH better next time. I'll start rewriting tonight. Thank you for following the work and thank you for your patience!

 

Rest assured the original work will not be going anywhere, the rewrite will simply be done with more taste, with longer, better chapters, and be a bit more canon compliant because I started the original work when there were only three chapters of :RE. (Also Trans Hide, because Trans Hide is incredibly important to me.)

 

Thanks again!

-Adrian - AdagioEquinox

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, yes hello.  
> I will EVENTUALLY update Rain and Consequence but I had such strong, sudden inspiration for this story that I just had to sit down and go with it.
> 
> Next chapter most likely later tonight or sometime tomorrow - NOV 16, 2014


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